Tuesday, October 6, 2015


See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

American African Woman

I’m back at zero again. I just had a job at 8.10 per hour for 1 year, 1 month and 1 week. What is with all the ones? I feel like they must mean something. I cannot help feeling like this is all a plan. Some diabolical , pre-devised outcome set in place by those in charge of coming up with ways to keep me and others like me in a state of limbo or more like a place where we can be maintained, or retained or restrained or contained until we are dead.
Why do they talk so much about the life expectancy of humans in this world, do they need to know how long a person can live? The life expectancy for an American African woman is about 77 years.

  I’m 53 now and I have been looking for work and jobs all my life. The longest I have worked anywhere is three years. I have worked for some of the biggest corporations and once in a government job. All that means is the lies they tell about giving us a chance appears to be true. The fact that these same corporations get a tax work credit for hiring one of us, who are considered low-income,  justifies them and puts a resource in place to use, but never promote and give a real chance at really leaving the low-income behind, yet they say they are giving back.
“So if we take 90% to the low- income status and keep them there, they will only drain the pockets of the rest of us by 7% over their lifetime.”  
This is why we never wanted to accept welfare or handouts they called it, because it is as if once you are in there, they got you for life.
 So they come out with reports that say things like: if you exercise, eat right, reduce stress, visit a physician regularly, are happy and have a spouse etc. etc. etc… the parameters are specific to only some not all.
Demographics are the starting point of course that includes age, race, income and so forth. These are the controls that give the power to create ways to stifle us. What do you think BIG DATA is really about?

Who has a husband, I haven’t had a man in the last five years for longer than a hour long interaction because we both thought we needed a fuck because we happen to have had a child together over ten years ago.  It was disappointing as always and for a week after I was uncomfortably sore. I didn’t truly enjoy it, but I had missed it so long that I thought I needed it.

Health, sex and relations between each other are important for longevity.  Now we have more and more women and men willing to try same sex relations to get a chance to feel what a relationship is like, if not they may never experience that part of life at all. So our men are killed, jailed and out of touch unable to form a relationship any longer. The health of us is detrimental as well and cut deep into that expectancy of longevity because if you are lonely, sad and low-income you have a shorter life.
 And about that, I guess I need to say that what I believe is going on is that those like me who are profiled as low-income American Africans, … I hate the use of “black” to describe a people because black is a color like chartreuse or orange or blue. As for the African part most of us have no clue that this part of us explains a lot about what we do.  

 Incomes like mine that have somehow become standard hourly 8.00 and 10K or less yearly are going to fall in place and eventually die off.
 I would go as far to predict… for as long as we worked in this land for free it will take maybe half as long to get rid of all of us entirely, in this land anyway.  There is a working plan set in place and I will prove it.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Why is it when we have a problem, for example... say we don't like our supervisor and we feel a need to take a complaint to the manager and say how we feel slighted or ignored or unappreciated or mistreated in some kind of way that is making it unfair and impossible to do a good job...and an attempt is made to reach a solution do we choke and cannot seem to want to tell the truth or say what we are really thinking ?

We are afraid to be shut down, afraid to appear silly or childish or just plain stupid and getting fired would be justified slowly but surely. We are afraid and we are dissatisfied, period. If we try to complain to rectify that we are often playing a losing game

Wednesday, July 8, 2015


I feel sick to my stomach. I am really trying to keep hope alive. I read the audacity of hope by our great president Baraka Obama. It was inspiring it did make me realize that it is not all about the individual involved, it is about the entire world and the way things are done that needs to change that seem impossible  and may not happen in our lifetime, but there is still a need to try and change what ever you can.

So I decided to change myself. I resigned to not talk for one year, not completely shut down my vocal ability but just focus more on listening. The year of listening has ended and I feel more, admired, by my peers and co-workers, more trusted, but not anymore hope. I have had to keep a part-time job for 8.10 an hour for the full year.  I am rather proud of myself vocal self, but I have been called sidity, and I heard the ole' "She think she better than everybody else."

I don't feel specifically hopeful, just a bit more disliked by others. I hope this is not the end of my career/job life.

Friday, June 26, 2015


You can't tell nobody
 I'm talkin'
'bout nobody

Feel what I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I'm feelin'

Hey kid rock 'n roll
rock on

What you done done
What you done done
What you do wrong don't do right
You just really lost one

I am in mourning over our place in the world
They still want to call us names and shoot us dead
We are not safe anywhere even in numbers

Nothing they taught us to learn was for our own well being
We wear our fear on our sleeve and all over our heart it even consumes our souls
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