Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Blessing or a Curse?

Why is it that when I’m ready to take on the world and conquer anything, nothing happens that needs conquering and just when I decide to take a rest or not try so hard wham, something comes along. I marched to the library November the fourth to apply for a job online. I completed an application for a position with a county agency. 


I have been applying for jobs for the last four years and nothing, rejections if anything at all. And then the Thanksgiving holiday approaches and I take my gung-ho attitude and begin to focus on making a holiday without into something. 


I take a break from my job search mission. After all the holiday fuss is at rest, I open my email and find an invitation to test for a position with a county agency on November 28. I had missed the chance to probably get a full-time job or at least take the test for it. I was nearly heartbroken, although it was not my dream job, it was a job. I need to work I need money.  There was a chance for decent money with pay and benefits out of the window. Why? 


I have been hoping for work writing because that is what I feel really passionate about but this was a job opportunity I missed. I would be helping people and it would have sufficed, but would I have been satisfied that I was doing work that I was proud of and happy to do as a means of income. 


I want to make a living as a writer/reporter because I love it and I’m good at it. The idea of attending events and reporting on them, commentary about a hot topic, research, interviews, recorders and cameras, it makes me happy.


I am emailed the chance for a different type of employment and I missed it. 


Is it a sign, a blessing or a curse? 


I believe it may have been a curse. I have to believe that way or I am cursed and doomed as I once believed at a time of low faith, but I have been able to increase my faith and just live day to day with out hoping for the chance to get into the writing. And I get a chance to make money working with this agency and I miss it. What does it all mean? 


 I have resigned to the fact that I try hard and nothing happens and I stop trying and the blessings flow. How could I call it a blessing if I missed it? What is this all about? Facing the reality of it just makes me sad, it weakens my faith. 


 Many lessons taught to us by the bible and life as we know it shows or proves that faith is challenged all the time and I must now believe that it was a challenge to my faith, not a curse and that if what I really want is the writing work, and I have faith and believe, it will be what I won’t miss, that will be the chance I won’t miss right, because if it is given to me only me can take it.


 It won’t be a miss for me; it will be a hit straight on, won’t it. That is what is confusing to people they miss a chance and don’t know what to call it. Is the foolishness of the person missing out what was given to them or is it the devil trying to weaken your faith in the lord? 


Why we are confused is not so baffling, it is because if you can’t pay your bills and you can’t feed your family it is your fault and if a chance comes along that enables you to do just those things then that is all that you can expect that is the blessing and you should just be grateful even if it is digging ditches and you have the talent to create works of art but never have those dreams of what you are truly realized.  


Is that the answer because we know when we begin a job for the money and not for the glory we hate the job and we still want what we have wanted all along, to do work that is satisfying to the soul not the pocket book, So my chances are not dead I will just see it as a way to get closer and closer to what I really want.

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